That's Life: Think of Me as MomBy Phyllis McGuire
iBerkshires Columnist
06:08PM / Monday, November 02, 2009
Boo hoo, Oct. 25 was National Mothers-in-law Day and I did not receive any gifts or cards from my children's spouses.
I really did not shed a tear or feel neglected, however, as I would rather that my daughter-in-law and son-in-law think of me as "Mom" than a mother-in-law.
My son-in-law, Frank, has called me Mom, of his own volition even since he and my daughter wed almost 19 years ago. I find it heartwarming, but I would not have requested that he do so as I believe only one woman in our lives deserves that title.
My daughter-in-law, Cathleen probably feels as I do for in the five years she and my son have been married, she has never referred to me as Mom, or Mother. She calls me Mrs. McGuire. Now, that seems too formal, but I believe she does it out of respect so I have never suggested she do otherwise.
Some of my friends have mentioned that once they became grandmothers, their daughter's or son's spouses called them Nana or Granny. Well, I am not sure that I would like a 30 something year old calling me Grandma. "Why don't you tell Cathleen to call you Phyllis?" one friend asked. Hmm that wouldn't sound right, I thought.. .
Whether children call the woman who bore them Mother, Mom or Momma, all those titles evoke thoughts of a loving, nurturing person. But once "in law " is tacked onto Mother, many a person assumes the woman is a wicked witch.
People have manifested their dislike of mothers-in-law in various ways: A toxic plant is called Mother-in-law and and Filipinos coined the slang term "aswang," which means evil spirit, to denote a mother-in-law, and traditional Navaho mothers-in-law wore bell earrings to make their presence known so that their sons-in-law or daughters-in-law could avoid them.
In Italy, daughters-in-law probably danced in the streets when a poll - conducted by the research institute Eures - revealed that male spouses' meddlesome mothers have been responsible for the failure of three out of 10 marriages in the country.
Here in the United States, mothers-in-law have been the butt of countless cruel jokes and have been satirized in TV sitcoms and movies. As an impressionable teenager, I used to say, "I'm going to marry an orphan so I won't have to put up with a mother-in-law." Well, as it happened, I did marry a man whose parents had died long before he and I even met. So, I have no experience dealing with a mother-in-law. But I certainly try my best not to be a mother-in-law who inspires her children's spouses to avoid her.
When my children married, I told them that their spouses should be their first priority. Nonetheless, when I have most needed them, they have managed to be at my side. For instance, two years ago when I arrived in a hospital emergency room, following a fall, both my children were with me.
My son's wife, Cathleen, came with him, even though she was eight months pregnant and had just come off bed rest ordered by her obstetrician. "You shouldn't have brought her here," I told my son. "But she wanted to come," he replied.
People in the emergency room were coughing, crying, begging for assistance, and ranting hysterically.
As the hours dragged by, I became more and more concerned about Cathleen; would she end up being admitted to the hospital and giving birth prematurely?
Finally, around 10 o'clock - three hours after I entered the emergency room - I was taken to a cubicle where a doctor examined me, and then ordered that x-rays be taken of my hip. As it turned out, my hip was broken and I would have to undergo surgery.
When that would happen, no one knew. "We'll get to you as soon as we can," the doctor said.
I insisted that my son take his wife home. "I'll stay with Mom," my daughter Jennifer said. "Call me as soon as you know anything," Christopher said to Jennifer.
I, of course, stayed on the examination table. Meanwhile Jennifer tried to sleep in a chair, twisting her body to its contours. I told her to lay beside me. "I'm skinny," I said. She refused at first, saying the doctor might come in. But after a while she was desperate to ease the pain in her back, and slid in beside me. We had been crunched together a few hours when the doctor returned.and Jennifer, face red, jumped up. "It's OK, everyone does that," he said, meaning doubling up on the examination table.
Then he announced that I was scheduled to be operated on at 8 a.m. When I was wheeled into the operating room, Jennifer said reassuringly, "I'll be waiting for you."
In the recovery area, a couple hours later, Jennifer awakened me: "Momma," she said, as Christopher stood beside her. It was wonderful to see them.
"We're only allowed to be here for a couple of minutes," Jennifer explained and then both she and Christopher asked, "How do you feel," Do you want anything?" I told them I was thirsty, but the nurse said I could not have anything to drink.
As Christopher and Jennifer walked away, he said, "We'll see you again when you are in a room."
A month later, my daughter-in-law gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Thank goodness, she had suffered no ill effects from being exposed to the emergency room and the tension of that evening.
During that stressful situation, I realized that it does not matter what my daughter-in-law calls me for she had proven she cared enough about me to come and comfort me, despite her condition. What more could any mother-in-law want. |
