Well, it's that time of year again, when a young man's fancy turns to slush. Yes, Christmas is just around the corner, along with Hanukkah (motto: "A different spelling for every night!"), Kwanzaa, Festivus and the rest of winter's wacky holidays. But while we may have different traditions of celebration, regardless of what religion you are, it's important to remember that there's something we all share. Something we all hold in common, something that ties us together during this time of year:
People expect us to get them stuff.
Even though it wasn’t originally a part of many holidays, capitalism and peer pressure have resulted in mandatory winter gift giving for most of America. For some, this responsibility extends only to family, for some to friends as well, and for some even the co-worker that you don't really like but someone at your office organized a secret Santa program and you drew his name so you're obligated to get him something anyway, which is starting to bother you. We won't worry too much about him.
For the rest of the people on your list, however, you may still be looking for gift ideas. Well, look no further. Need something romantic for your wife? Why not treat her to an all-you-can-eat dinner at Jack's in North Adams? Nothing says "I love you and I know you're hungry" like a dozen hot dogs, and she'll relish the treat while appreciating that you've been frank. Want something a bit more seasonal? Try buying her a toaster, to help you both "toast" each other's health.
Do you know a young boy who has really been asking for a certain video game or a toy? A fun thing to do is to find someone else who recently purchased it and ask them for the box it came in. Just wrap up the empty box and put it under the tree, and when that young boy opens it to find nothing inside, you can share the gift of imagination with him. He's bound to appreciate it!
Shopping for each member of a family you are friends with can be difficult — and expensive. Why not get them one big gift that they can all enjoy? For just a few dollars, you can buy enough syrup to turn their entire front yard into a giant snow cone! It's so fun and delicious that the Joneses will be hard-pressed to keep up with them.
Finally, there's always that someone on your list who is hard to shop for. (Some people are so picky that even ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which they will not put.) What do you get for the guy who has everything? I suggest Ibuprofen. But when material goods just won't do, you might consider getting them a little holiday spirit. I like to rewrite holiday songs, and last year I wrote this one, which I'd now like to share with you. So happy holidays to all, and let it snow!
Allow It To Precipitate!
Oh, the meteorological conditions on the exterior are terrifying,
But the conflagration of combustion and heat is exceedingly gratifying.
And taking into consideration the fact that there is nowhere to which we ought to ambulate,
Allow it to precipitate! Allow it to precipitate! Allow it to precipitate!
Circumstance has revealed nothing that would indicate an imminent cessation,
And I've purchased some corn for the purposes of heating to cause expansion and exfoliation.
The electric luminosity devices are adjusted to minimally illuminate.
Allow it to precipitate! Allow it to precipitate! Allow it to precipitate!
Once we have completed our inevitable farewell osculation,
Venturing outwards into the blizzard is something I shall detest!
But if you will surround me with your person to a degree that could cause asphyxiation,
I shall retain adequate heat until to my residence I have progressed.
The conflagration of combustion and heat is gradually diminishing,
And, cherished of mine, our valediction has not reached the point of finishing.
But under the condition that you are enamored with me to an excessive rate,
Allow it to precipitate! Allow it to precipitate! Allow it to precipitate!
Seth Brown is either a freelance writer specializing in humor or a freelance humorist specializing in writing. He lives in North Adams, eventually. He is a frequent contributor to the Washington Post's Style Invitational, and like everyone else, is working on a book.
If you would like to contribute information on this article, contact us at info@iberkshires.com.
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Lanesborough Town Meeting to Vote Budget, Bylaws & Vehicle Purchases
By Breanna SteeleiBerkshires Staff
LANESBOROUGH, Mass. — Tuesday's annual town meeting includes a $14 million operating budget, new short-term rentals, accessory dwelling units and sign bylaws, and free cash article appropriations.
Voters will gather at Lanesborough Elementary School on June 9 at 6 p.m. to decide on 20 warrant articles.
The fiscal 2027 budget is up a little over 10 percent. Some of the main increases are the Mount Greylock Regional School District and McCann Technical School: the McCann assessment is up more than 30 percent based on factors including enrollment and the school renovation project, and Mount Greylock's is up 11 percent.
Article 11 is for the town to vote to approve from free cash the sum of $16,298.48 for the McCann Technical School roof and window replacement project so as not to impact the budget. Article 3 is appropriate $7,586,284 for Mount Greylock Regional School assessment.
Another notable increase was in life and health insurance, showing an increase of about 26 percent.
Ambulance Director Jen Weber is planning 24-hour coverage, which means more staff and a hike in her budget. One of the articles asks the town to appropriate $234,100 to operate the Ambulance Enterprise Fund for salaries and expenses.
Many town departments are looking for new vehicles. The Fire Department is looking to replace its outdated 1996 fire engine. There are two articles related to the truck at a total of $813,366. Article 12 would transfer $225,000 from free cash into the Fire Truck Stabilization Fund; Article 13 would transfer $605,000 from the fund and authorize the borrowing of $208,366.08.
The total includes a $100,000 contingency cost to cover any additional costs if a 2026 model-year chassis cannot be secured before new emissions standards go into effect in 2027.
The board at its last meeting moved the $225,000 transfer to come before the borrowing article, changing the stabilization number. If the $225,000 is not voted on, then they will amend the next article's number on the floor, subtracting the $225,000. This shows the borrowing number significantly lower.
Article 17 asks for the transfer of $80,000 from free cash to replace a police cruiser.
Police Chief Rob Derksen's aim is to replace one vehicle every other year, meaning the oldest vehicle gets replaced about every 10 years.
He stressed that if delayed this year, the town may have to double up in a future year to get back on schedule, and that paying later usually costs more. The article will ask for $80,000 from free cash, the vehicles used to be funded by the BHRD.
Lastly, the Highway Department is looking to replace a 2014 International dump truck that will be a total of $330,000 and will take two to three years to receive.
Money will be used from last year's approval of $250,000 from free cash for the replacement of a 2012 highway front-end loader that was underspent $49,261. Town meeting is being asked to approve a transfer of $53,274.85 from free cash and the use of $227,464 from funds from the Sale of Town Real Estate to fund the balance.
Other free cash proposals include $1,200 to purchase software to support tracking and ongoing maintenance schedules of town-owned vehicles; $42,000 for the replacement of the Highway Department's storage shed roof, $200,000 to reduce the tax levy.
Cassidy Flynn scattered five hits in a complete-game effort in the circle as Lenox upset top-seeded Hoosac Valley, 3-2, in the quarter-finals of the Division 5 State Tournament. click for more
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Jason Codey struck out 13, walked two and allowed just an infield single as the Generals earned a 7-1 win over Wahconah to claim their third straight regional title. click for more
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