Confessions of a Practical Blonde: May I Admire You?
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| Sharon Leary |
The Captain and Tennille were very popular when I was in the seventh grade. They hit it big with the songs "Muskrat Love" and "Do That to Me One More Time." I had a crush on the Captain. I think it had something to do with his hat.
The Captain wasn't the only guy I had a crush on who wore a hat. There was also Fred Lynn of the Boston Red Sox who wore a baseball hat and Gopher from the Loveboat, who wore some sort of funky purser hat. And then there were Jon and Ponch, ever so sexy in their motorcycle helmets.
Let's Hear it for the Boy
Hats aside, do you remember your first crush? I will never forget mine. He was the boy next door, Jimmy. He was one of five boys; talk about hitting the jackpot!
Gary, Sonny, Steve, Jimmy and John were the boys next door. I know I wax nostalgic about this particular period in my life a lot. I think it's because things seemed to be so much simpler. I'm glad I was oblivious to the turmoil going on around me, because if I comprehended what was happening, I don't think I would have such a rosy picture in my head.
<L2>My brother Jay and I became fast friends with John John (yes, we called him that) and Jimmy. Our friendship began across a shared fence and blossomed when we talked about "The Six Million Dollar Man." Their yard was a veritable wonderland of activity. There were two apple trees, a peach tree, a pear tree, strawberry and blueberry bushes, a vegetable garden, stacks of wood, a really cool shed and the cellar hatch where we would sit on at the end of most summer days.
Countless days and nights were spent outside climbing trees, picking blueberries, riding our bikes, chasing fireflies or just hanging around. I don't know exactly when I realized I had a crush on Jimmy, it had to be somewhere between the ages of 10 and 12. He was the first boy to ever kiss me. But when word leaked out that I liked Jimmy, our relationship changed. I couldn't just hang out and be one of the guys anymore.
Luckily, junior high was right around the corner and it was OK for me to be seen talking to Jimmy again. My happiness was to be short lived because halfway through the school year, Jimmy and his family moved to another town. To say I was devastated is an understatement. To be honest, I don't think I ever got over it. I am somewhat happy to report that my sources have told me that he is happily married with five kids. But I will always wonder, what if?
Don't You Want Me?
The high school crush is a very complex and ever changing animal and, if you are not careful, could literally crush you.
I'd like to say I was one of those girls who liked the cute and creative type, you know like all of those guys John Cusack played in his early movies. But I can't. I always seemed to like the guy that was "un-gettable." However, being a teenager, my heart was very fickle. I could be so in love with the jock of the moment and then walk down the hall and see a guy from band and just like that, my heart could be swayed.<R3>
But there is always that one guy, who to this day, you'd like to smack in the head because he broke your heart. However, there is a tool that can help you overcome the heartbreak forever: the reunion.
Going back to your school reunion can be very enlightening and gratifying. Remember the guy who got voted "Best Looking," well he has a pot belly now and no hair. And the guy who broke your heart, well, he married his high school girlfriend and they've been arguing the entire night. And whatever it was that you saw in him 10, 20 or 30 years ago, isn't there anymore.
With most things, time heals and it puts things in better perspective.
'Infatuation'
Remember that Rod Stewart song from the late '80s? Infatuation is not limited to your adolescent years. You can be infatuated with someone at any point in your life.
Infatuation, according to several Web sites I checked out, is not love. You may experience feelings of panic, uncertainty, overpowering lust, feverish excitement, impatience and/or jealousy. According to www.selfcreation.com, when we are infatuated we are thrilled, but not happy. There are lingering doubts about our partner and their love for us.
Our chemical makeup goes into overdrive, literally. When infatuated, we experience a rush of dopamine. That rush causes us to feel good. Norepinephrine stimulates the production of adrenalin (pounding heart) and phenylethalimine (found in chocolate - surprise) makes us feel blissful.
When these chemicals stop flooding our system, either the relationship moves into a loving romantic one or we get disillusioned and move on.
I've Got a Crush on You
Did you know there are different types of infatuation? We all are familiar with celebrity crushes. If I start naming off all of my celebrity crushes my column would never end, so I won’t go there. Fortunately, another type of infatuation caught my eye; the "work spouse."
<L4>A work spouse is a co-worker (usually of the opposite sex) with whom one shares a unique relationship. There are bonds similar to marriage such as special confidences, loyalties, shared jokes and experiences and an unusual degree of honesty or openness. The work spouse understands the nuances of the workplace, unlike a boy/girlfriend.
You could be a very happily married person but still have a work spouse. Sometimes you don't even realize you have them till after you aren't working with that person anymore.
These relationships are usually harmless. However, the relationship can be threatened rather than enhanced if it becomes too intimate.
How do I know if I have a work spouse? Ask yourself is there a person who you talk to or e-mail on a daily basis? Do you get bummed when that person isn't around or when you don't talk/e-mail? Could this person order your lunch without missing a beat?
I have had two work crushes on guys I had never even met because they worked in a different office or were clear across the country. I remember feeling giddy talking to them, similar to that feeling you get being a on a first date. I also remember feeling down if I missed their call. In these two cases I was aware of my crush.
However, as I look back on my career and the various establishments I worked at, I recognize that I did have a work spouse at one point. It was kind of shocking really, because I thought I considered this person like a brother.
Emotions in Motion
I am a person whose emotions can be read very easily. I have been told in job reviews that I wear my heart on my sleeve. That isn't always a good thing. Especially if the emotions I am feeling is angst, anxiety or anger. You could ask me how I'm feeling, but you really only need to look at my face.
So it is usually quite evident when I become endeared to someone. I'm not talking about when I see a cute guy walk down the street or general flirting, I mean when I realize that I could have feelings for someone. I start to exhibit the classic signs of infatuation: my heart starts beating rapidly, I usually say or do something ridiculous or I start walking into doors or walls. I've been told I put on a good show.
Just like being an adolescent, even as an "adult" it's not always easy to let go of your crushes. You can get hurt, roll up into a ball and hide. Or you could take it in stride, not wear your heart on your sleeve and just smile when you see that person.
Secret Admirer
Back in that great decade the '80s, there was a relatively unknown movie (judging by the box office receipts) starring C. Thomas Howell and Kelly Preston and titled "Secret Admirer." <R5>
It was about a secret crush a guy had on this girl, he wrote a letter and, of course, the letter got misdirected. Through a series of events the letter ends up starting several relationships because no one was willing to pony up and admit they wrote it. It was fun 1980s humor.
As I was searching the Internet on crushes, secret admirers and infatuation, I stumbled upon www.ehow.com. The site guides you on how to be a Secret Admirer without being overbearing (they really can tell you to do just about anything.) And there are sites that you can send a message to your beloved if you want to remain anonymous: www.secretadmirer.com or www.lovingyou.com.
