Singles of the Berkshires unite

by Kate AbbottPrint Story | Email Story
LENOX — After celebrating her first anniversary with Singles of the Berkshires, which has brought groups of single people together to mix and mingle, Sonia Bykowsky of Lenox has branched out to offer a more individual service. Tons of people in the region need company, Bykowsky said last week, noting that there are 30,000 to 40,000 singles in the Berkshires. “I hear single men complain that there are no single women in Berkshire County. Single women complain that there are no single men. And married people say they know lots of single people,” she said. “I thought, ‘Clearly we’re out there. All we need is a common place, time and activity.’” Being single sometimes carries an odd stigma, she said. Bykowsky came to the Berkshires from from York, Penn., and after four years here, she set out to fight it. Empowered by her social service training as a Junior Chamber of Commerce volunteer and her militantly socialist grandparents, she said she planned her first activity for what was to become Singles of the Berkshires — a picnic. On the appointed day, massive thunderstorms swept the county. But, during a 20-minute gap in the thunder and lightning, just as the picnic was supposed to have started 10 people arrived. If they couldn’t share sandwiches in the rain, they at least signed up to be on a mailing list for future events, Bykowsky said. A good friend, who had been somewhat pessimistic about the group’s chances in the beginning, asked her what she thought. “I said if 10 people showed up with the wrath of God falling all around them, that was a good sign,” she responded. That list of 10 names formed the basis of Singles of the Berkshires (a title Bykowsky said she chose for the acronym.). Since the ill-fated picnic, some 600 people have joined her for hikes, game nights, Tanglewood evenings, dances and mingles. From the beginning, she said, her premise was that the group should not focus on dating but on bringing people together to extend their social community. “I wanted friends I could call and say, ‘Do you want to come over and play games?’ I didn’t used to have that,” she said. Last winter, she said she invited people to come together and play board games often. “Because the group doesn’t focus on dating, it’s not a meat market. There’s no cruising,” she said. She acknowledged, however, “We have some sharks who come, do their thing and leave.” Bykowsky has charged no dues for the group, only asking for contributions to cover the cost of individual events. She said she organized the group as a community service. She supports herself as a massage therapist. But, with her new introduction service, she said, she may be able to make Singles of the Berkshires her full-time work. She said she did not start out with a matchmaking service as part of her vision. “Ask anyone who called me within the first six months, asking ‘How many women in the group? How many men? What’s the age range?’ I didn’t ask people,” she said. “The thing that got me was that after every mingle, I got half a dozen calls from people saying, ‘I know you don’t give out phone numbers, but I felt a connection with this person — could you call them and give them my number?’” She said she did not give out any contact information for her guests, to ensure their privacy, and she quickly realized that relaying requests like the one above put her in an awkward situation and did no one any good. She also realized how hesitant people were to ask others for their phone numbers. “To my surprise, people need someone to help make connections,” she said. “I’m responding to demand. I’m making that leap of faith. Many people in my group have gotten to know me. There’s a certain amount of trust.” So, on Monday, she started her new “introduction service,” which has two tiers. In the less intense tier, she offers social introductions, in which she will match groups of people by computer. She said she has invested in computer software that will accommodate any and all pairings. She said she plans to hold gatherings and dinners for groups of six to eight people and to host “speed dating” events in which people have quick tête-à-têtes and rotate every five minutes or so. At the end of each event, people can tell the coordinator whether they would be interested in talking with any of their conversation partners again. If two people indicate an interest in each other, the coordinator will let them know. In the second tier of her service, Bykowsky will offer one-on-one introductions and will organize them herself, based her own experience, discussions with her clients and priorities the clients set out. She will first meet with people for interviews, she said. William Turner from inner Resources Development in Pittsfield helped her to develop questions, which come in two sets. The first ask whether people have any preferences for the kind of singles they hope to meet, including age range, ethnicity, where they live, their type of lifestyle, religion and so forth. The second are more open-ended, asking singles to describe “an ideal relationship,” what partners should offer one other and what they hope to get from the introduction service. Everyone will have to sit down with Bykowsky one-on-one, so she can get as much detail about them as possible, she said. She will also take photographs of them and record a short film. “I will see people’s mannerisms and hear how articulate they are. I know about 200 people in Singles of the Berkshires fairly well already,” she said. “The computer narrows things down, and I take it from there.” She said she plans to match people who share interests, then arrange an activity both enjoy and help them facilitate the first meeting, so they do not have to exchange contact information until they meet face to face. In putting together her model for an introduction service, Bykowsky said she talked with single people about dating services they used — Web pages, phone services, etc. She also did some research and found that many dating services will not reveal the cost of the service until someone has signed on. Also, many refuse to deal with anyone who does not have a college degree, which she said irks her even more. However, she said she soon saw why the requirement was listed: The services were very expensive, ranging from $600 for six dates to $3,000 for a one-on-one consultation. They also introduced people to singles living hours away from one another, she said. Bykowsky said she wanted to make her service affordable for anyone, open to anyone and all local. She charges $240 for a one-year membership at the social level, with small surcharges for individual events, and $500 for the one-on-one service, which includes all of the services of the social tier. She said she will continue regular Singles of the Berkshires social activities, noting that many places in the Berkshires have worked with her to offer block seating for the group, offer such events as chocolate tastings and generally made them feel welcome. She said Kim Garner-King, director of the Lenox Community Center, has helped her to find space for the group and given a lot of support. Some businesses have called her and asked if she wanted to bring her group for a visit, she said. Many members of the group have even taken day trips together, and Bykowsky said she would like to take longer trips. She said she also would like to get the group involved with community service projects. “For everything we do, we try to maintain a certain level of professionalism — and fun,” she said. “You can’t ever have too much fun. If it’s not fun, why do it? Information: Sonya Bykowsky, 637-8001 or tonafunn@aol.com. A Singles of the Berkshires website is under construction and should be running by the end of December, Bykowsky said.
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Friends of Great Barrington Libraries Holiday Book Sale

GREAT BARRINGTON, Mass. — The Friends of Great Barrington Libraries invite the community to shop their annual Holiday Good-as-New Book Sale, happening now through the end of the year at the Mason Library, 231 Main Street. 
 
With hundreds of curated gently used books to choose from—fiction, nonfiction, children's favorites, gift-quality selections, cookbooks, and more—it's the perfect local stop for holiday gifting.
 
This year's sale is an addition to the Southern Berkshire Chamber of Commerce's Holiday Stroll on this Saturday, Dec. 13, 3–8 PM. Visitors can swing by the Mason Library for early parking, browse the sale until 3:00 PM, then meet Pete the Cat on the front lawn before heading downtown for the Stroll's shopping, music, and festive eats.
 
Can't make the Holiday Stroll? The book sale is open during regular Mason Library hours throughout December.
 
Proceeds support free library programming and events for all ages.
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