Singles of the Berkshires unite

by Kate AbbottPrint Story | Email Story
LENOX — After celebrating her first anniversary with Singles of the Berkshires, which has brought groups of single people together to mix and mingle, Sonia Bykowsky of Lenox has branched out to offer a more individual service. Tons of people in the region need company, Bykowsky said last week, noting that there are 30,000 to 40,000 singles in the Berkshires. “I hear single men complain that there are no single women in Berkshire County. Single women complain that there are no single men. And married people say they know lots of single people,” she said. “I thought, ‘Clearly we’re out there. All we need is a common place, time and activity.’” Being single sometimes carries an odd stigma, she said. Bykowsky came to the Berkshires from from York, Penn., and after four years here, she set out to fight it. Empowered by her social service training as a Junior Chamber of Commerce volunteer and her militantly socialist grandparents, she said she planned her first activity for what was to become Singles of the Berkshires — a picnic. On the appointed day, massive thunderstorms swept the county. But, during a 20-minute gap in the thunder and lightning, just as the picnic was supposed to have started 10 people arrived. If they couldn’t share sandwiches in the rain, they at least signed up to be on a mailing list for future events, Bykowsky said. A good friend, who had been somewhat pessimistic about the group’s chances in the beginning, asked her what she thought. “I said if 10 people showed up with the wrath of God falling all around them, that was a good sign,” she responded. That list of 10 names formed the basis of Singles of the Berkshires (a title Bykowsky said she chose for the acronym.). Since the ill-fated picnic, some 600 people have joined her for hikes, game nights, Tanglewood evenings, dances and mingles. From the beginning, she said, her premise was that the group should not focus on dating but on bringing people together to extend their social community. “I wanted friends I could call and say, ‘Do you want to come over and play games?’ I didn’t used to have that,” she said. Last winter, she said she invited people to come together and play board games often. “Because the group doesn’t focus on dating, it’s not a meat market. There’s no cruising,” she said. She acknowledged, however, “We have some sharks who come, do their thing and leave.” Bykowsky has charged no dues for the group, only asking for contributions to cover the cost of individual events. She said she organized the group as a community service. She supports herself as a massage therapist. But, with her new introduction service, she said, she may be able to make Singles of the Berkshires her full-time work. She said she did not start out with a matchmaking service as part of her vision. “Ask anyone who called me within the first six months, asking ‘How many women in the group? How many men? What’s the age range?’ I didn’t ask people,” she said. “The thing that got me was that after every mingle, I got half a dozen calls from people saying, ‘I know you don’t give out phone numbers, but I felt a connection with this person — could you call them and give them my number?’” She said she did not give out any contact information for her guests, to ensure their privacy, and she quickly realized that relaying requests like the one above put her in an awkward situation and did no one any good. She also realized how hesitant people were to ask others for their phone numbers. “To my surprise, people need someone to help make connections,” she said. “I’m responding to demand. I’m making that leap of faith. Many people in my group have gotten to know me. There’s a certain amount of trust.” So, on Monday, she started her new “introduction service,” which has two tiers. In the less intense tier, she offers social introductions, in which she will match groups of people by computer. She said she has invested in computer software that will accommodate any and all pairings. She said she plans to hold gatherings and dinners for groups of six to eight people and to host “speed dating” events in which people have quick tête-à-têtes and rotate every five minutes or so. At the end of each event, people can tell the coordinator whether they would be interested in talking with any of their conversation partners again. If two people indicate an interest in each other, the coordinator will let them know. In the second tier of her service, Bykowsky will offer one-on-one introductions and will organize them herself, based her own experience, discussions with her clients and priorities the clients set out. She will first meet with people for interviews, she said. William Turner from inner Resources Development in Pittsfield helped her to develop questions, which come in two sets. The first ask whether people have any preferences for the kind of singles they hope to meet, including age range, ethnicity, where they live, their type of lifestyle, religion and so forth. The second are more open-ended, asking singles to describe “an ideal relationship,” what partners should offer one other and what they hope to get from the introduction service. Everyone will have to sit down with Bykowsky one-on-one, so she can get as much detail about them as possible, she said. She will also take photographs of them and record a short film. “I will see people’s mannerisms and hear how articulate they are. I know about 200 people in Singles of the Berkshires fairly well already,” she said. “The computer narrows things down, and I take it from there.” She said she plans to match people who share interests, then arrange an activity both enjoy and help them facilitate the first meeting, so they do not have to exchange contact information until they meet face to face. In putting together her model for an introduction service, Bykowsky said she talked with single people about dating services they used — Web pages, phone services, etc. She also did some research and found that many dating services will not reveal the cost of the service until someone has signed on. Also, many refuse to deal with anyone who does not have a college degree, which she said irks her even more. However, she said she soon saw why the requirement was listed: The services were very expensive, ranging from $600 for six dates to $3,000 for a one-on-one consultation. They also introduced people to singles living hours away from one another, she said. Bykowsky said she wanted to make her service affordable for anyone, open to anyone and all local. She charges $240 for a one-year membership at the social level, with small surcharges for individual events, and $500 for the one-on-one service, which includes all of the services of the social tier. She said she will continue regular Singles of the Berkshires social activities, noting that many places in the Berkshires have worked with her to offer block seating for the group, offer such events as chocolate tastings and generally made them feel welcome. She said Kim Garner-King, director of the Lenox Community Center, has helped her to find space for the group and given a lot of support. Some businesses have called her and asked if she wanted to bring her group for a visit, she said. Many members of the group have even taken day trips together, and Bykowsky said she would like to take longer trips. She said she also would like to get the group involved with community service projects. “For everything we do, we try to maintain a certain level of professionalism — and fun,” she said. “You can’t ever have too much fun. If it’s not fun, why do it? Information: Sonya Bykowsky, 637-8001 or tonafunn@aol.com. A Singles of the Berkshires website is under construction and should be running by the end of December, Bykowsky said.
Share
If you would like to contribute information on this article, contact us at info@iberkshires.com.

Pittsfield Families Frustrated Over Unreleased PHS Report, Herberg Slur Incident

By Brittany PolitoiBerkshires Staff

PITTSFIELD, Mass. — Parents are expressing their frustration with hate speech, bullying, and staff misconduct, which they said happens in Pittsfield schools. 

Community members and some elected officials have consistently advocated for the release of the redacted Pittsfield High School investigation report, and a teacher being placed on leave for allegedly repeating racist and homophobic slurs sparked a community conversation about how Pittsfield Public Schools can address injustices. 

The district's human resources director detailed the investigation processes during last week's School Committee meeting.

"People are angry. They feel like when they spoke up about Morningside School, it was closed anyway. They feel like they speak up about the PHS report, and that's just kind of getting shoved under the rug," resident Brenda Coddington said during public comment.

"I mean, when do people who actually voted for all of you, by the way, when does their voice and opinion count and matter? Because you can sit up here all day long and say that it does, but your actions, or rather lack of action, speak volumes."

Last month, School Committee member Ciara Batory demanded a date for the 2025 report's release to the public.

Three administrators and two teachers, past and present, were investigated by Bulkley Richardson and Gelinas LLP for a range of allegations that surfaced or re-surfaced at the end of 2024 after Pittsfield High's former dean of students was arrested and charged by the U.S. Attorney's Office for allegedly conspiring to traffic large quantities of cocaine in Western Massachusetts.

Executive summaries were released that concluded the claims of inappropriate conduct between teachers and students were "unsupported." Ward 7 Councilor Katherine Moody countered one of the unsupported determinations, writing on Facebook last week that she knows one person can conclude with confidence and a court case that pictures of the staff member's genitalia was sent to minors. 

"During this investigation, we sought to determine the validity of allegations about PHS Administrator #2 sharing a photograph of female genitalia with PHS students on her Snapchat account," the final executive summary reads. 

View Full Story

More Stories

Sports
image description

Wahconah Comes Back, Wins Second Straight Western Mass Crown

Sports
Sports
image description

Lenox Wins Western Mass Title

Sports
Sports
image description

Mount Greylock's Foley Wins Western Mass Individuals Title

Sports
Sports
image description

Canes Reign in Division 5 Boys Basketball

Sports
Sports
image description

Hoosac Valley Boys Upset Drury in State Quarter-Finals

Sports
Sports
image description

Drury Comes Back on Hoosac Valley to Advance to State Semi-Finals

Sports
Latest Stories
Previous Next

What's Trending?